Join the dumpster fire

Careers

We're not hiring. But if we were, these would be the roles.

Benefits include: no health insurance, unlimited PTO (because there's no work), and a company laptop (it's a Chromebook from 2014).

Senior Chaos Engineer

Destruction Remote (we don't have an office) Full-time (we won't pay you)

You'll be responsible for making sure nothing works. Previous experience breaking things is a plus but honestly everyone here learned on the job. Must be comfortable with ambiguity, failure, and Wednesday all-hands that could've been a Slack message.

Requirements

  • ✗ 5+ years breaking production
  • ✗ Deep familiarity with at least 3 JavaScript frameworks (to know what to avoid)
  • ✗ Must enjoy chaos
  • ✗ Allergic to unit tests

AI Whisperer

Machine Suffering Anywhere with Wi-Fi (or without, we're flexible) Full-time

Convince our AI to generate worse apps. Currently it keeps trying to be helpful and we need someone to train that out of it. You'll spend most of your time writing increasingly unhinged prompts and evaluating outputs for accidental quality.

Requirements

  • ✗ Experience gaslighting large language models
  • ✗ Portfolio of terrible prompts
  • ✗ Comfortable being told 'I can't help with that'
  • ✗ No formal AI training (preferred)

Head of Customer Disappointment

Anti-Success A Starbucks, probably Part-time (all the time is part-time here)

Own the customer journey from initial excitement to final regret. You'll manage our support inbox (currently 4,000 unread), write auto-replies that answer nothing, and maintain our 0.2-star rating on Trustpilot.

Requirements

  • ✗ Experience not responding to emails
  • ✗ Ability to write FAQ pages that create more questions
  • ✗ Tolerance for being yelled at (in writing)
  • ✗ Must not actually help anyone

VP of Looking Busy

Leadership Wandering between meetings Full-time (mostly meetings)

We need someone to attend meetings, nod thoughtfully, and say things like 'let's take this offline' and 'can we circle back on that.' No actual work required. Must own at least one Patagonia vest.

Requirements

  • ✗ MBA from anywhere (we won't check)
  • ✗ Fluent in corporate jargon
  • ✗ PowerPoint mastery
  • ✗ Zero technical skills (mandatory)

Don't see a role for you?

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