ENTERPRISE

Terrible apps,
at scale

Everything you hate about Hatable, now with enterprise-grade compliance theater, a dedicated account ignorer, and a PDF that says "enterprise."

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Enterprise PDF

A PDF that says 'Enterprise Edition' in Helvetica. That's it. Same product underneath.

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SSO (Single Sign-Off)

Log out of all your apps simultaneously. We call it Single Sign-Off and it's our most-used feature.

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Executive Dashboard

A dashboard with 47 metrics, none of which are accurate. Perfect for board meetings.

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Dedicated Account Ignorer

A named person who will personally not respond to your emails. Premium neglect.

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24/7 Support Line

Calls go directly to a voicemail that's full. We check it quarterly.

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On-Premise Deployment

We'll mail you a USB stick. It contains a README that says 'just use the cloud version.'

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SOC 2 Compliance

We have a document titled 'SOC 2 Compliance' in our Google Drive. It's empty but it exists.

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Custom SLA

Choose your own uptime guarantee! (All options below 1%.)

Trusted by people who shouldn't trust us

"We deployed Hatable across 3,000 employees. Productivity dropped 400%. The board is thrilled because the chart went up."

Director of Nothing, Fortune 500

"Hatable's enterprise tier gave us the PDF we needed to close our next round. Worth every penny of the $999/mo."

CTO, Series F Startup

"I was asked to evaluate Hatable for enterprise use. I have since been fired. 5 stars."

IT Admin, Unnamed Corp

Ready to ruin your company?

Our enterprise plan is $999/mo. For that price, you get the exact same thing as the free plan, plus a PDF. The PDF is not editable.

No credit card required ยท No free trial (you're already living it) ยท No refunds (obviously)